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Big lottery win?

big lottery win

Yes, it’s Saturday morning and the sun is shining and it is lottery day. I could do with a big lottery win this week. I talked about a summer art exhibition this week when I was at the local art gallery. I could stage one if I won a few million. I can think of a few more things I could do with the money too.

Tesco

People who really deserve shed loads of money are the ones who tend to get it. Dave Lewis, the CEO of Tesco got a 3 million bonus this week taking his pay package to 4.6 million. He worked hard for it though didn’t he? I bet the sweat poured off him, he worked so hard to turn Tesco around after his predecessor messed up the accounts. How can you mess up the accounts when they’re all on a computer? The truth is they had too many grandiose schemes. You can get lost driving around Tesco’s car park in West Brom. Yes, Dave Lewis won the Tesco lottery and the queen won a Tesco voucher while at the races. Does one take it to Fortnum and Mason or Harrods?

Brexit

I started to get drawn into a discussion about Brexit this week. It isn’t worth discussing, we just have to be pragmatic. Corbyn was the left-wing rebel before he became the leader and now he’s doing U-turns and is favour of the EU membership. The world is corrupt and you have to be pragmatic to survive, it’s all about who you know and who you can do a deal with. It might be cheaper to buy wheat from Africa, but you buy it off your mate; even if your mate is German. Besides, you know if your mate spends the money buying a Kalashnikov, there is at least a chance he won’t shoot you with it. Anyway, I think Dave Lewis got a shed load of Tesco shares as part of his deal and so he wants to do business in Europe so his shares accumulate value. I don’t have quite as many of him, but I’ll be along for the ride.

Oil

I was going to buy shares in Premier Oil when they were 32p, I missed that. They are closer to 70p now. The oil price is up 40% since earlier this year and I see the price of petrol at the pump creeping up. The M6 is going to be repaired again all summer, so maybe petrol is too cheap. We have terrible congestion in the West Midlands and a crumbling motorway. It is made worse by daft politicians who speed hump main roads and centralise things so people have to travel long distances to work. This crap about choice is stupid as well. Allowing parents to choose the ‘best’ school for their children. How do they know it’s the best? Do they try it out first? A new building and fancy equipment  will not guarantee a better education.

Fish and chips

I think fish and chips should be VAT free. If people were eating more fish and chips, they wouldn’t have so much money to spend on imported smartphones.Some kids have smartphones on contracts costing forty quid a month. How do they afford it? We ate chips when I was a kid and walked to school.

Pavilion

There used to be a pavilion in the park when I was a kid. I wonder if they would let me build a new one if I won a few million on the lottery. We need a pavilion with toilets in the park. The toilets will need to be vandal proof. I think CCTV and high-voltage razor wire might do it…  I just need a big lottery win.

If you had a big lottery win, what would you spend the money on? Most Sun readers would have a Jeremy Clarkson style car and get nicked for speeding or kill themselves on the crumbling M6 motorway. Telegraph readers would buy a few Brexit votes and go to the races hoping to win a Tesco voucher. I just remembered there is a special offer on the Guardian this week. My local newsagent won’t have a copy. They only have the rubbish newspapers. I don’t need to read that some celebrity has a rash because her knickers rubbed her after too much twerking. I want to read about the butter mountain and how it will be spread if we leave Europe.

That’s it for satire Saturday if you want more, follow me by entering your email address at the top of the sidebar or follow me on Twitter. There are nice pictures, videos and music on my Facebook page.

Big lottery win

I definitely need a big lottery win.

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