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Diesel and petrol at two pounds a litre? #GE

It’s Sunday and so once again I share my thoughts with you. What’s on my mind this week? Well, I have been thinking about the General Election and thinking about what the real policies are. Those real plans behind all the rhetoric and bull-shit they put on television. Many of the plans they have told us about sound like they will stoke inflation but I think with record debts they will need to get money from somewhere and the old favourites, fags, booze and petrol seem the most likely options. They can now use the excuse of global warming to bang up both diesel and petrol.

Will they put up diesel and petrol?

Labour

Labour is promising to nationalise the railways and cut the cost of bus and rail travel. When we are paying £2 a litre for diesel and petrol they will say well use public transport! They also plan more cycle lanes and here in the Black Country, there was even a plan to make all the canal tow paths into cycle lanes. Kids today can’t even cross the road safely let alone ride a bike down a tow path.

Conservative

The Tories are keen on HS2 to ease congestion on the roads and they are keen on road pricing, charging for car parking and other ways of screwing the motorist. Will they increase diesel and petrol? You can bet your grannies pension on it. Remember the ‘bedroom tax’ that wasn’t really a tax? Now we have the ‘dementia tax’ which is a Tory invention that Labour have dubbed a tax. It isn’t really a tax. When granny can no longer look after herself she will go into a nursing home and her care will be paid by the state and that cost will be recouped from the sale of her mansion when she finally shuffles off this mortal coil. What’s wrong with that? Granny won’t need her worldly goods it will be her greedy heirs that lose out. William and Harry can just earn their own money…

UKIP

UKIP have all the answers. If we ban immigration we will have lots of room on our roads, in our schools and in our hospitals. No need for a rise in diesel and petrol we can just cut overseas aid instead and make the foreigners look after themselves. Besides we have that 388 million a week we will save now we have left the EU to spend. We can have all the NHS gold-plated with that!

Lib Dems

Are the Lib Dems in favour of higher diesel and petrol prices? I think we can take that as read. They will, of course, re-join the EU and then we will have socially inclusive cycle lanes on every street and the problems of the NHS will be solved by advertising for more doctors and nurses around the globe but in particular in countries that don’t need them like Syria.

Diesel and petrol

Have you ever wondered what happens to the health of people in the countries that we steal doctors and nurses from? Have you ever wondered where that 375 billion came from that the government used to bail the banks out with, in 2008? Have you ever wondered why the Prime Minister wants to call some new schools ‘grammar schools’ when it would be more politically acceptable to call them academies? Do you know what a meritocracy is? These are some of the questions you should be asking before you vote. Why aren’t the major parties mentioning diesel and petrol tax?

You will be pleased to know that if I were running the country I would increase diesel and petrol because the rich buy more than me. I would also increase the VAT on champagne and tax second homes. I’d also put a really big tax on aviation fuel and have a new landing tax on planes and ships. I would scrap HS2 and I would ban the burka, hoodies and tattoos.

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