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How to talk to your (inner) self

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I read a lot of stuff about the ‘inner self’ and most of it is garbage. Your inner self or sub-conscious mind tries to help you, but it doesn’t always get it right. It tries to protect you from harm and help you survive. Your survival is its primary aim, its prime directive. So how do you have a quiet word with your inner self when it’s getting it wrong and making you feel quite anxious? When it’s giving you butterflies in your stomach, making stomach acid, making you feel panicky about that interview. Making your pulse race at the very sight of a hypodermic or worse still blood!

Your inner self looks at the evidence. The evidence can be empirical evidence, based on observations. It might be anecdotal evidence and that could be just what people have told you. It could even be what you’ve seen on TV. You see someone scream with pain on television when they have an injection or blood gushing out of someone when they have been stabbed and your inner self responds with fear. You know that modern hypodermic needles are so sharp you hardly feel them, but you still tense up when you have that injection making things even worse.

You inner self can make you very anxious and depressed. Anecdotal evidence from your parent suggests that you were quite an ugly child. They were probably joking, but there is always some truth in that sort of joke. You’ve changed now you’re an adult, but your inner self still says you’re ugly. People say you are attractive, but they only do it to make you feel better or because they want something. You’re not really attractive, your inner self says that you are ugly and you will always feel ugly.

You have been judged throughout your life, often wrongly and now you have an interview. They will be sitting in judgement on you. Your inner self says this is bad, they will judge you harshly. You tell yourself that you are the right person for the job and you should be confident and self-assured. Your inner self makes your hands sweat, your pulse race and your stomach churn. What can you do?

For some people, panic can ensue as their inner self tells them they are in constant danger. They become hermits and never leave their own homes. This is agoraphobia, a tendency to be afraid of going out of one’s own comfort zone. It is a serious problem. How can you reassure your inner self that it doesn’t need to panic; everything will be alright.

You need to provide your inner self, with evidence. The evidence has to be positive and empirical. You should avoid anecdotal evidence, that is just hearsay. If your parents are telling you that you are ugly, fat, stupid, boring, full of crap or whatever; ignore them. It is hearsay, observe the real evidence. What do others say? Are you giving others a chance to say anything? You might have to stop spending time with your parents and family and talk more to friends. Will this change what your inner self believes? No, not straight away. Years of bullshit from your parents and siblings can’t be fixed overnight, but it can be fixed.

If your problem is more serious and you have become a hermit, because the big bad world out there is scary; you have a more serious problem. How can you convince your inner self that you can cope out there? You could just go out there and show it that you can cope. The problem is you put on your coat and your pulse quickens. You open the door and your pulse races and you feel panic, you feel faint. You can’t do it. You need to have a plan, a plan that involves small steps and you might need help from someone who you can trust. You have to convince your inner self that nothing bad will happen, when you go out. This could mean actually providing evidence; that you can go out, just a short distance, without panic. You might feel extremely anxious doing that, but if you don’t panic and are determined, that is evidence enough. If your inner self isn’t convinced, do it again. Then do it again and again, until you inner self is convinced and you are dancing down the path, without a care in the world.

What if it’s something else that makes you anxious or depressed? Like going to hospital. You might just have to grin and bear it in an emergency. If you are forewarned though, you can provide evidence to your inner self to reassure it that everything will be OK. Go to the hospital before that appointment. Maybe, just go in walk around and come out again. In my local hospital, you can walk around and stop for coffee. Convince you inner self that there is nothing to fear. Your inner self is primitive, it’s a baby; reassure it.

If you have found this article helpful and you would like more ways to provide your inner self with evidence to overcome fears, make yourself more confident, cope with injections and blood tests, get help from professionals or anything else. Then share with your friends on Facebook, click like and comment. Provide my inner self with some evidence that you really value what I write. You can also influence the inner self of other people to your advantage. That could be a good subject for a future blog…

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4 Responses

  1. Pingback: Anecdotal beliefs « Mike10613's Blog

  2. Nice post, facing ones fear has never been easy. I suffer from stage fright, usually people freeze and don’t talk, but in my case, I talk. A lot. Recently I had been to an open mic night, and the host made a comment, and then off i went on to talk about it, I know I shouldn’t have, because I went to recite my poetry and not do stand up comedy, but then I just went on and on. It was good thing that I talk fast too when I am nervous so that people don’t know what I am talking. Actually that is also not a good thing. That is embarrassing, because it shows how nervous you really are and completely takes away the performance you have been practicing for long time. Still the experience was good, cause there are many worst ways to screw up. I also plan to do this again, of this stage fright thing, cause performing in front of an audience feels nice.

    Yes you rightly pointed out, that inner self is a baby and needs a constant reassurance that everything will be alright. Sometimes it is also like a habit, a good habit to inculcate. Teach your inner self to chant the words “it will be alright” and this is not the worse. It could really helped me in some cases.

    July 25, 2012 at 09:44

  3. Hi Fairy,

    My young friend talks to much when he’s nervous! You can learn from that experience and remind yourself not to talk so much next time. It probably wasn’t as bad as you imagine though. People have short memories too and so will probably have forgotten the incident. I would try to do a performance that requires you to go on briefly. Go on read the poem and your inner self will be pleased everything went according to plan and you’ll be less anxious next time. Overcoming problems is often a matter of taking small steps towards a bigger goal.

    July 25, 2012 at 10:24

  4. Pingback: » Subliminal influence A Zillion Ideas and counting…

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